Because that's what this dumb blog is for.

You know, I found myself going on and on to people today about Twilight (the movie) and realizing that no one cares nearly as much for my opinion as I do. But then I was sitting here Facebooking and realized I can BLOG about my opinions, and you people can read it or NOT read it, it's all the same to me!

So here is what I think about Twilight.

First off, I will admit that I didn't love it. However, after reading the reviews I read before seeing it, I did like it more than I thought I would. My main issue with the film was -- honestly -- Bella. I thought Kristen Stewart really could have gone a LOT more emotional with Bella and done a better job of convincing the audience that Bella really was in love with Edward. Most of the time she seemed like she was trying to keep her feelings to herself, and even when she was confessing her love for Edward, it didn't feel sincere. It just felt... uncomfortable.

Edward, on the other hand, has more wiggle-room because he's not human and he doesn't have human emotions. I think the movie could have done a better job of conveying his side of the story to the audience; at times the only reason I could accept some of his scenes was because I'd read the book and I knew what he was thinking at the time. I know the story is told from Bella's point of view but seriously, there were a TON of moments in the book where Edward shared his thoughts and feelings and opinions with Bella, and none of those things were really touched in the film. The audience was forced to figure out what they thought he might be thinking at certain points, and I didn't like that.

Some of my favorite things about the movie -- and I think Lynne will agree with this -- were the PRICELESS facial expressions. Namely Jasper. Now, I've always loved Jasper, even in the books. But to see him portrayed on screen in such a hilarious yet PERFECT manner, was just... there are no words. When Bella meets him for the first time, and he's got this look on his face like he just might have to go to the bathroom but maybe he's just trying not to laugh, while he's choking out "It's nice to meet you" so as not to inhale Bella's scent... WOW. Priceless. Seriously. I about died laughing... and you know, I think that scene was meant to be funny. If it wasn't, oh well. Doesn't matter, cause it was.

Also, I LOVED Alice. I think she was also portrayed perfectly. I think they should do a movie about Alice and Jasper. Actually the rest of the vamps had such small parts that I didn't really get a chance to know them in the movie, whereas in the book I felt something for each and every one of them by the end. Another part of the movie I think they could have focused on.

All in all, I'd give Twilight a B- and I think that's more than fair. I think this was a good practice run and if they had a chance for a do-over, it would be DAWESOME. I also think what they will learn and have learned from this film will greatly increase the quality of the second one, New Moon which they had better be in the studio working on right now. Oh, what? I didn't love Twilight but I still want more? Damn right. There's not enough mediocrity in the world to break my obsession with the Edward/Bella saga. Keep 'em comin Summit Entertainment, and next time BLOW ME AWAY!!!

Which country should I move to?

I have never paid much attention to the "Which city should you live in?" quizzes I've seen on Myspace and Facebook... but lately, I'm thinking it might be time for a change soon. Especially considering the upcoming election. If things don't start changing FOR THE BETTER in this country, I'm out. Ideally, that is. I've toyed with a few options and so far I've narrowed it down to the following:

• Move to Canada
• Teach English to Japanese students for a year (in Japan)
• Move to the UK, somewhere near London
• Save up some money, get rid of some debt, quit my job in 6 months or so and spend a year traveling (although I don't see how I could afford something like that)

Of these options, the Japan one and the UK one seem most likely. Although I don't know if I'd like living in the UK permanently... might need to at least pay a visit before settling on that one.

Any other ideas?

Sunshine, my baby.

I have no children and have no intention of changing that any time soon. Meanwhile, I've planted a seed (a mini sunflower, as I've mentioned previously) and have been obsessing over it since the first green seedling sprouted up. Here are some of the latest photos.

Seeing the Light...?

"I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness."

This quote comes from (of course) my favorite show, The Office and it perfectly fits my situation right now. Although the context of that entire episode doesn't translate, the fact remains that I've been completely unaware of myself and my actions and my words for the past 9 months or so. Up until recently I didn't know how completely bitter I sounded. It's been building up all this time, and it's coming to a head pretty soon, I fear. I only hope none of my friends are nearby when it happens, or anyone else I care about for that matter. Luckily I don't have to worry about hurting my family since they're 1,000 miles away and the chances of running into them in the midst of my breakdown are about a million to one. Yay, lucky me, I never see my family. So... stay back, Orlando friends... I might snap.

I'm not sure if it's a Gemini trait but I find myself so hot & cold about life these days. One minute I'm all happiness & peace & love & light & positive energy, and the next minute I hate everyone & everything, hate all types of music & all types of movies, and pretty much anyone who's happy is my mortal enemy. Right now I feel I'm somewhere in between, but definitely leaning more towards hating everyone. I think my eternal struggle is caused by many things, but mainly I struggle with knowing how I SHOULD be approaching life, while simultaneously facing the REALITY of my situation. What I should be doing and what I'm able to do are two totally different things. This struggle exists for me on physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels. I'm totally drained all the time as a result of all this.

Yikes. This could turn into a novel of theological speculation... so I'm going to end it now. Just had to let a bit of frustration out.

And while we're on the topic...

You know, I thought I was done with the topic of close friends who get into relationships and neglect all their friends, but apparently I have lots more to say.

Has this ever happened to you:

You have a friend of the opposite sex (or, a friend of the same sex if you're gay/lesbian). You two talk at least once a week regularly, about your jobs, lives, problems, etc. You get to a point where you'd consider this person a close friend. Then suddenly, your friend mentions they've been seeing someone lately and it's new and it's exciting and they're having a good time blah blah blah... and then 2 months later (which is the only other time you're able to reach that person on the phone because they have been M.I.A. for the last 2 months) they're telling you they're in a pretty serious relationship with the aforementioned person. Then after that, you're lucky to hear from that person every 6 months, if at all. Without realizing it you start to harbor feelings of anger towards your friend, for ditching you at the moment someone more "important" came along. You also may start to resent the person who swooped in with his/her magical ways and stole your friend right out from under you. The range of emotions goes on and on.

Every time I consider this scenario which has indeed happened to me more than once, it raises several questions. I am going to attempt to ask and answer these questions (from my perspective).

1. Do you have the right to be upset? I think so, within reason. This person was your friend! As with any friendship, you grow a fondness for someone and become accustomed to their friendship and its routine, whatever that routine may be. For them to just suddenly walk away from that without a second thought, truly makes that person seem like a self-absorbed a-hole. You're a person who feels things... if you didn't get upset, what kind of friendship did you have in the first place?
   
   
2. Would you do the same thing if it were you? Probably. I believe it's human nature to tune out the rest of the world when you're in the beginning of a relationship with someone. That person is all you think about, and all you want to do is be with / talk to that person. Knowing that, there is a certain amount of time you should probably give your friend to soak up all of the new-relationship juice they need. It takes a good 6 months at least. So, give them the benefit of the doubt for 6 months and see what happens.
   
   
3. Was your friend just using you to occupy his/her time? This all depends on the nature of your friendship. If you found yourselves talking about everything from the inane to the thought-provoking, laughing and joking together, hanging out together and having a good time in each others' company, then it was probably a genuine and true "friend" connection that should hopefully stand the test of time. Give them that 6 month window I mentioned, they'll come around. If you found yourselves veering into the naughty realm of conversation after a few drinks or after dark, weeellll.... that's a little tricky. When you get into conversations like that with your friends, it ignites many many dormant thoughts you both may have had and while it's probably okay to entertain them if you're both single, it might be a little inappropriate to keep that up if one of you gets into a relationship with someone else. And the other thing to consider is were you EVER romantically involved with this friend? If so, there's your answer. So again, this one depends on the friendship.
   
   
4. Should you tell your friend how you feel? Now this one is also kind of tricky. Either way, you'll end up feeling the same way whether you do or not... because I guarantee you, your friend will not ease up on spending time with their significant other to be a better friend to you. Now personally, I'm usually a person who keeps her deepest thoughts and feelings inside. Only once have I spoken my mind to someone about this very thing, because I wasn't the only friend who was complaining that he'd dropped off the face of the earth as soon as he got into a relationship. I told my friend how I felt and didn't hear anything from him for at least 1.5 years. I don't regret it saying what I said though, because in that case I knew we (my other friends and I) were right, and he (the friend who walked away) was wrong. I also knew that eventually we'd patch things up. I'd weigh the consequences on this one, because only you know what kind of person your friend is and how he/she would respond.

Not sure why I felt compelled to write this now, but it probably has something to do with the fact that I've lost several of my male friends this year due to relationships, and I'm missing them. But hey... that's life.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!

WOW.

Am I really about to "say" this "out loud" for people to "hear?" I think I am. I just need to take a deep breath and get it off my chest or it will LITERALLY drive me insane.

Okay here goes...........

Hi, my name is Kim and I'm lonely. There, I said it! The truth has been released. I am admitting it to myself, and to the 3 people who read this blog! I CANNOT believe I just said that. But seriously, this crap is about to make me lose my mind. Why, do you ask? Well, I'll tell you:

1. Every time I turn around, an ex-flame (or just a close male friend) of mine is getting boo'ed up with someone. And no, it's not that I still have feelings for all of my exes, it's just that once I've been with someone it's just hard for me to see them happy if I'm still sitting here twiddling my thumbs waiting for something amazing to happen to ME. And then for the close male friends, it pisses me off because as soon as they commit to someone it's sayonara to all their opposite sex friends, including me.
   
2. About 90% of my friends are married or engaged. With the exception of a couple people, I really am having a hard time trying to count my SINGLE friends. Am I really at that age? The age where my friends are married and having kids? Wow, that's crazy because I was just at work today singing Weak by SWV like it was still 1990. I still remember a lot of my friends as they were when we were teenagers. Guess I'm in a time warp or something.
3. There is nothing to do in this retarded city for single people. If you're not a Disney freak (which I am really not), or a heavy partier (which again, I am really not), you are just screwed socially. And NOT in the good way! (Okay, that may have been a bit too risque for some of my more wholesome readers... sorry.) Aside from theme parks, clubs and restaurants, there is nothing in Orlando worth doing. And there's only so much eating out, drinking and dancing I care to do on a regular basis.
4. I am starting to not care about my appearance at work anymore. It's a vicious cycle. See, the longer I go without meeting someone interesting, the more discouraged I become, and lately when I get dressed in the morning I'll spend the first 20 minutes or so trying to do something with my unruly hair, and then I'll say "why bother, it's not like you're going to meet anyone today." It's true. I have these conversations with myself.
5. The people I am interested in dating......... and yes, they do exist.......... are at least 1,000 miles away from me. That really makes me sad. Do I have to resort to long-distance relationships just to have the kind of person in my life who is WORTHY of receiving all that I have to offer? Maybe. Or maybe it's time for me to get the heck out of O-town. Hmm...

These are some of the many thoughts that have been going through my mind lately. I'm not sure where these thoughts will land me or if I'll come to any decisions based on these thoughts, but right now they're in the process of totally consuming my brain. So yeah, if you have any insights or suggestions feel free to throw them my way. Otherwise, leave me alone and let me wallow in self-pity. Thank you.

Hodgepodge

There are lots of things to discuss. I have been bad with updating this lately.

First off, my grandmother passed away on August 26. I flew home for her funeral and I'm glad I did because being able to say a final goodbye turned out to be a good thing. It was great to see all my family, some of whom I hadn't seen in years. And I am just glad to have had the chance to be a part of her final earthly event... we will miss her, though. She was 90 and lived a full life surrounded by loved ones. But when it's your time, it's your time. Rest in peace, Grandma, and know that we all love and miss you.

Workout update: I am sad to report that my personal trainer is leaving Orlando and thus will no longer be training me. The funny thing is when he told me, I almost started crying. No joke, I had to fight back tears! It was at this moment I realized I am a complete idiot. :-) Now, if only I could get up the nerve to ask him for a picture together before he leaves... because for real, that kind of fine-ness must be preserved for all to enjoy.

Sunshine update: I'm down to just one sunflower seedling. She's steadily growing and I'm keeping a close watch on her. All I can say is, trying to grow mini sunflowers indoors is NOT easy. Keep your fingers crossed!